pretty much in the same place as last month with everything but in a more silly, unfettered sorta way~

don't get me wrong, i wish i could just spend basically all my time making something great out of this place, but i unfortunately do have things that i have to do outside of this right now—and i'm almost never going to prioritize this over living living. this is a lovely, lively place for me for sure, even if it'll be a long time before there's a lot here, but it's always been the main goal for it be so cutely personal :)

and i'm in the process of bringing (more meaningful) rating pages back, and making charts to compliment the lists i have atm—along with an insanely unreadable list of everything i've ever seen, just for a personal diary :> i don't mind that that one's almost meaningless from a review website pov, because it's still cute (if obsessive, no doubt)

i didn't realize how much i loved having a marker for what i was watching, reading, listening to at certain parts of my life, until it was gone for a minute. i'm still broken up that a lot of them are more centered on when i had a concrete opinion instead of when i first saw them, but it's definitely still worthwhile to me even if a lot of them aren't super accurate.

but here's most everything i got to this past month :D

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books

i've kept pushing through death note just because—even if, yea, it's starting to just seem like plot developments for their own sake—it's at least super light reading with relatively interesting art and a world that otherwise could've been an amazing base~

ended up finishing the metamorphosis too for a class (and because it's been on my reading list for a while) and i think it almost speaks for itself? like it's nothing insanely overcomplicated from my pov, but it's such a compelling narrative of isolation and familial expectations and a look at selflessness towards the 'other'. i'm sure some day i'll write something about it, but i almost feel like the last unique word on it has long been written.

i had to return stoner before i could get to it unfortunately, but part of me knew i was never gonna get to it this past month x.x at least i'm about a third through the tao te ching; half of it is almost obnoxiously obvious platitudes, but there are a lot of wonderfully fuzzy statements on life expectations and outcomes. i hope that it continues to play into what natalie talked of in twilight once i let it simmer more.

and i got through the first chapter (section?) of paradise lost during an all-nighter, and it kind of blew me away?? i still genuinely have no idea how to read poetry 'correctly', let alone blank verse, but the fact that the language it uses is so dense and half-foreign, and it still punches me in the gut, is insanely thrilling and such an intense reading experience (especially out loud, like my copy recommends i do :)

games

at least i'm still slightly committed to this section, unlike... well, i'll tell soon (:

i played a bit more cs2 early on, honestly just to look at those premier season 1 stats and play a few games for nostalgia's sake, but i haven't been able to connect as much with the state of mind and environment that i would normally play it... so it, along with dirt rally 2.0 and melee, even though i play them off-and-on (and i hope against hope that i start going to locals w friends for melee & roa2 again soon), are def still present for me, as much as they can be rn.

i need to slow down on balatro though tbh... it's soo fun/bad to play it for hours at a time xox

movies

two movies short from tying last month, so still very good all things considered~

i've only one 'movie' (6 minute short) left to see everything from one director for the first time, after seeing a self-induced hallucination by jane schoenbrun; i hope that short serves essentially the same purpose of found footage mashing-together that hallucination did, bcoz i think that shorter time frame would make it click more for me... but i'll see

and honestly, i think a lot of the movies i watched this month have very little to say, or at least i do since they seem all kinda face-value (whether good or bad); i don't think that's heresy for baby driver, inglorious basterds, billy madison, con air, forrest gump, and pulp fiction. like, you probably already know how you and i feel about them already. first one's sugary in a pretty good way, second and last are loaded but lovely to watch (especially the former), and the other three are pretty much slop—though the first one is endearingly stupid, unlike the other two that feel misguided and hatefully stupid respectively.

though i finally sat through a clockwork orange and had about the same reaction as i suspected, where it just kinda makes the OOH SOCIETY point over and over as cover for shock cinema, i fear. like it's interesting and uncanny but soo pointless. taxi driver was cool though, more than i expected it to be; i like that it's actually doing something odd with a point, and that even though there's definitely bits and pieces that get to me in a yucky way, the staging, appearance, characters... they all fit reallyy well.

music

since i started doing these postcards, i think this is my most productive month for music :D and i definitely got through a lot that i've been hoping to hear for a while... though i guess that's actually most everything.

but still, here's the link to everything i listened to this past month, & here's what i feel like talking about from february:

• dirt – alice in chains
• my childhood best friend is so real for loving this to death; i hope ur doing okay <3
• peggy – ceechynaa
• I'M PEGGIN THAT MAN AT THE BACK OF THE BUS
  this shit is so fuckin catchy & perfectly irreverent, love her
• espanta gringo – d.silvestre
• i'm so glad i've listened to some power noise before this, cuz holy shitt~ whatever beat bruxaria is, i love it if this is what it's able to be twisted into
• from zay with love* – zayok
• this kind of underground digicore, indietronica noise is exactly up my alley...
  it taps into some intense desire of change, of longing, and even if this is imperfect, it's all the better for it; the final track is absolutely beautiful
• besties – black country, new road
• can't wait for what they have next on their album; it feels regressive and progressive at the same time, both in uniquely pretty ways, looking diagonally towards that path they want to take—and i love their spirit for it all
• nurture – porter robinson
• i'm not sure how much this album did wonders for what i talked about with zayok's album, for frailty, for so much of what i love in modern music scenes; if it's anywhere near to where i think it is, even if those other artists have made it their own (particularly jane), this really is a modern landmark. i just wish i loved it a little more, but at least musician from it is so lovely x
• choke enough – oklou
• i fear there may come a time when this does come off as a little too placid, too sludgy to love it anymore. but for the time being, this is so amazingly evocative, so prettily arranged, and immediately lush in its own strain of ambient minimalism.
• hurry up tomorrow – the weeknd
• there's wayy too much here for me to care right now. like i'm sure if this got separated out, tuned down, and refined—or if there was some greater thematic cohesion like with dawn fm—it would work better. but as is, it feels like just a pile of weeknd outtakes and loose ends.
• the origin of my depression – uboa
• i don't know when i'll have the heart to talk about this, let alone 'critically'. this is the first time an artist has said (via genius, iirc), that they'd rather not have their art talked about, and i completely understand. i might never break that ask.
• ghostholding – venturing
• dead forever is untouchable. and the rest of the album is equally as raw, crunchy, lovingly stapled together. it might genuinely be their 'worst' album, but that feels like a technicality. they've yet to put out something that doesn't tap acutely into some innate thrill, valley, or intense desire.
  i will not tolerate no sleep hate >:(
• the times they are a-changin' – bob dylan
• even if i've seen ppl say this is the worst bob dylan album to start with, i don't regret it; feels spiteful behind this mask of folk imagery and kempt appearances. and it's wonderfully relevant to the time, to now, etc. etc.. it shouldn't need to be said, but it's articulated nearly as best as i've heard from the era, from this style
• boytoy, eqetamine & b.s.a.s. (si alguna vez te sentís sola de noche) – eq
• eqetamine is def the best of these three, but they're all so catchy and anthemic, even if they do feel a bit in the same-y vein of post-brat carefree electronics—tho ik brat is not some founding text, it's all good stuff either way :3
• dancing with your eyes closed – jane remover
• i almost don't want to say anything, i think i'm a broken record. but like girll
  haven't seen a single crumb left in a min
  soo good <3
• sports – viagra boys
• whoever was screaming their brains out at karoake at arlin's in cincy last tuesday made a much better version of this song xx
  i appreciate the introduction to vb though, and it's their first :)
• my favorite things – john coltrane
• peak 14 minute avant-garde jazz song, and the rest keeps the same energy and tenacity without a drop~ just wish i had a better ear for it atp :o

also i re-listened to gray data by five star hotel mid-way through the month and realized it's def the album that i've come back to the most and changed my thoughts on the greatest; afaik from a flat 2 to a high 3~ it's just such an intense experience that took me so long to click with. but once it did, oh my goddd

tv shows

yeaa, i'm gonna get rid of the review section for tv shows on here later today...

i finished season 4 of adventure time at least, and the ending is without a doubt the best it's offered yet—and i'm glad that, of season 5 right now, it's been the most consistently creative, interesting, everything that the entire show has been so far. like i can tell it's been leading to here, and they're finally comfortable and having soo much fun crafting these mini stories weaved together. like, even though (until literally today when i watched three episodes) i paused after episode 17 and just sat there for a min, i still know this is the best they've done, and it's only gonna keep getting more compelling to me. can't wait, once i feel it :)

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i don't think i have much else to say, so i won't drag it out. just hoping that i can keep making these and, hopefully soon, putting in different sprinkles to improve the taste as they go~

revenge next >v> i live for these visions

ttyl, ilysm <3

written 1 mar 2025