there is little love lost in this game disappearing, in the wake of its replacement reaching ten months of public scrutiny. but at the same time, there's always going to be part of me that remembers how utterly captivating it was while i was part of it. it's no perfect experience; in fact, i don't think any counter-strike game has ever been, even if after every compromise and revision, its latest iterations always tried to get closer—closer to something that can properly balance a dozen or so different vital aspects of its dna.

it was always an unsightly game—or at the very least outdated in its appearance, as much as it hit upon a graceful medium by its end. that's maybe its best example of balancing what needed to be revised to make the game competitively interesting and (relatively) watertight, along with twisting a hopelessly overworked game engine into every possible messy knot. it was a pretty beautiful heap all things considered.

but its greatest strength is the fact that—while any semi-competitive, team-based game is going to give way in its memory often to the people that inhabited it alongside you—that dna at its core, the intrinsic formula it slowly iterated on for eleven years, is irreplaceably invigorating. no other game or game style could've taken its place in just the right way, have just the right balance, and be within this perfect middle ground that mixes sweaty-palmed, grimy focus and utter euphoria, with laidback inconsequence where you can still have fun with the people you're playing with. that's the only thing it was ever able to perfect. others have tried and simmered well at their times, but the now-ephemerality of the twilight era of this game has already earned itself a cult status.

mind you, this is one aspect of a relatively broad game; ranked competitive with competent teammates was a different animal compared to any solo venture, be it in competitive, casual, arms race, the quickly forgotten and permanently m.i.a. danger zone, or the countless community servers. there were layers to the game i rarely peeled back for good reason.

but if it's at its core where i found the most value in community compared to any game i'm ever played before—despite all the stumbles, the ever-imperfect aspects of its painful lifetime, and how spiteful it had the capacity to make you in its most frustrating moments—there's a lot that i will forever love about this game. but i think i'm glad that it's gone now, that a new game has taken its place, and its preservation in online amber, as permanent as it can be, is all that's left. i don't think i could've sincerely shown it that love had it stayed. it had to die. and while it was a quiet exit, it was necessary and abundantly earnest, and something i'll carry for a long time.